I Drive Myself Crazy
by shinigami82
Summary: Heero's POV. Regretting for hurting Duo as he tried for not making the same mistake again. Songfic from N*SYNC


DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY  
  
By: Shinigami82  
  
  
  
Laying in your arms  
  
So close together  
  
Didn't know just what I had  
  
Now I toss and turn  
  
Coz I'm without you  
  
How I'm missing you so bad  
  
His eyes...  
  
His hair...  
  
Conquer my mind. I just can't let go. His shadows...are everywhere...hunting me everywhere I go.  
  
Why did you do this to me, Duo? Why? Why don't you let me go? Let me be?  
  
My body is full with sweat, although it is a cold winter night.  
  
I'm laying helplessly on my bed. The same bed which he used to observe me when I'm asleep.  
  
Those violet eyes I love so much. Those violet eyes that mean so much.  
  
I can't let myself go to sleep. Otherwise...otherwise...  
  
He'll be in my dreams. With his long beautiful chestnut hair...  
  
Looking at me, with the same pleading violet eyes.  
  
Why don't you understand? I don't deserve you!  
  
You deserve someone better. And I'm not better!  
  
But I can't help myself thinking of you...  
  
Hoping you to be in my arms. Your cheek would rub against my shoulder. Like a cat.  
  
Missing you... desperately...missing you dreadfully...  
  
But can't possess you.  
  
Duo!!!  
  
Where was my head?  
  
Where was my heart?  
  
Now I cry alone in the dark...  
  
Staring at the ceiling. Blank. But his smile appears again. Keeps coming back.  
  
Was I wrong to let him go? Was I unforgivable?  
  
For making those violet eyes which were full of hope and happiness,  
  
Full of tears of despair?  
  
I place my right arm over my eyes.  
  
Which are now hot tears streaming down to my pillow.  
  
I'm crying...  
  
I'm crying over him.  
  
Sigh.  
  
I lay awake  
  
I drive myself crazy  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Thinking of you  
  
"Heero...."  
  
I jolt up from the bed. Trying to catch my breath. My shirt is wet.  
  
I'm staring at the blank space. I thought I saw someone standing by the door.  
  
Only to realise that it was just my black coat hanging.  
  
That voice! In my dream! Duo? Why are you calling me?  
  
Why can't you just hate me? Despise me? I made you beautiful violet eyes sad.  
  
I don't belong with you...Can't you understand?  
  
Made a mistake  
  
When I let you go baby  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Wanting you the way that I do  
  
"Goodbye, Duo..."  
  
Parting is such bitter sorrow...  
  
Those words...I wish I would not have said it.  
  
And then he looked at me in disbelief...  
  
Not believing of what I have said.  
  
And then a single tear fell on his cheek.  
  
I was such a fool  
  
I couldn't see it  
  
Just how good you were to me  
  
You confessed your love  
  
Undying devotion  
  
I confessed my need to be free  
  
"Heero? Can I say something?" I was on my back when he asked that.  
  
"Aaa...what is it?" I didn't put so much attention of what he had to say. I kept typing on my laptop.  
  
"Would you please look at me? I need you to look at me in the eye..." He pleaded.  
  
I turned out with annoyance. But my mind altered when I saw him with his hair loose. Long and beautiful. He seemed to realise that I was in awe. He smiled a little and looked slightly serious. He never looked that serious in his life.  
  
"I have a confession to make..." He looked down. Seemed nervous.  
  
"Do I look like a priest?" I just wanted to go back to work.  
  
"Heero...! Please... I have to say this. Listen to me." His eyes looked sombre, offended.  
  
I sighed, and crossed my arms. Waiting for him to say it.  
  
"Heero,..." He held my hand, as if I would run away. "...I love you..."  
  
"What? " I asked again. I wasn't sure what he was saying.  
  
"I said I love you...,Heero..."  
  
"You can't be serious, are you,..."  
  
"Heero! I meant what I said!" He looked at me in the eye. Those violet eyes looked angry.  
  
"You can't mean it! You're lying! You can't be telling the truth!"  
  
"Why can't I? Why don't you trust me?"  
  
"Because...because look at us! We don't belong together! We can't be happy! We're Gundam Pilots for God's sake!! We are NOT made for each other! Can't you see?"  
  
"But.."  
  
"I don't want to hear it anymore!" I covered my ears and closed my eyes.  
  
After a few minutes, I let them both go and took a glance at Duo. He stared at me in silence. His violet eyes were open wide. Shocked. I calmed myself, and said "Goodbye, Duo..."  
  
And now I'm left  
  
With all this pain  
  
I've only got  
  
Myself to blame  
  
After he shed a tear, he turned around and ran.  
  
Away from me. His shadow left no trace.  
  
His long chestnut hair were blown by the wind from the opened window.  
  
He didn't even dare to take a last glance. He just ran.  
  
All happened so slowly. Like a slow motion.  
  
And then I heard a bang on the front door.  
  
I realised of what I've done. I hurt him.  
  
I made him sad. Why did I do it? Why did I yell at his face like that?  
  
Duo... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I guess I was confused what to react.  
  
Because I too...love you...  
  
Why I did not know it  
  
How much I love you baby  
  
Why could not show it  
  
If I had only told you  
  
When I had the chance  
  
I had the chance!  
  
What have I done? Why am I crying here and let our fate part like this?  
  
I was angry...That was why I yelled at you.  
  
Angry because I was too timid to admit myself that I love you too.  
  
I'm ashamed that you had to tell me first. I was confused, because I didn't know what to say.  
  
Once I was confronted by the reality, I was too afraid to face it. I'm such a coward.  
  
I acted cold because I was afraid to be hurt. I kept the distance between us because you are irresistible.  
  
Duo...  
  
Wanting you the way that I do...  
  
I'm sorry, Duo...You do belong here with me,  
  
Because I need your love, your warmth, your caring.  
  
I realised I need someone.  
  
I need someone like you to brighten up my dull life.  
  
The next thing I knew, I was on my feet, and took my coat off the hanger. It must be cold outside. My poor Duo. I have to find him. Whatever it takes.  
  
I lay awake  
  
I drive myself crazy  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Thinking of you  
  
It was just past midnight when I decided to go and look for Duo.  
  
And then I heard a key being inserted into a keyhole and the doorknob turned...  
  
My violet-eyed angel appeared at the doorway, and seemed very surprised to find me.  
  
Knowing me would have slept at this hour.  
  
"I..I'm sorry...I was about to get my stuff. But, I seemed to interrupt you...."  
  
He was about to turn and leave when I grab him by the wrist.  
  
He looked at me in concerned eyes.  
  
"Hee...?"  
  
I cut his sentence by planting a deep, passionate kiss on his soft lips.  
  
After awhile, he accepted it and we shared our first kiss.  
  
Made a mistake  
  
When I let you go baby  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Wanting you the way that I do  
  
We parted to take breaths. I looked deeply into his eyes...  
  
The pair of violet eyes I love the most.  
  
He looked at me questioningly. Looking puzzled.  
  
"Heero? Why?" He stroked my right cheek as he said that.  
  
"Because, I realised that I love you too. I'm sorry, I never meant what I said the other night. I was confused. I didn't how to react.."  
  
"Heero..."At last, I can see his smile again.  
  
His eyes were filled hope and happiness once again.  
  
I assumed I made him happy.  
  
If that what makes him happy, I will not ever leave him.  
  
I lay awake  
  
I drive myself crazy  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Thinking of you  
  
I have made the decision. To be with my beautiful angel.  
  
I don't care if the world stops revolves.  
  
I don't care if the rain discontinue to descend.  
  
I don't care if the earth engraved in two.  
  
As long as I get to be in love and loved in return,  
  
As long as I get to be with my Duo...  
  
I don't care...  
  
I will not make the same mistake again...  
  
Made a mistake  
  
When I let you go baby  
  
Drive myself crazy  
  
Wanting you the way that I do 


End file.
